So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
