Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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