There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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