All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I could fuck to npr.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
