whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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