Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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