I have demons in me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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