Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize