I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
