That's intense
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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