You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
