my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
