can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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