There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
