I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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