Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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