You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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