Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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