4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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