please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
