The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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