someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
