i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
