remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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