I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
