I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
