I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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