the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
