you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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