so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
