evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
