this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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