There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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