Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
