You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
this hospital has no fireball
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
