At least make sure they are 18
Why
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
