there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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