It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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