I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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