never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i will never coherently bang her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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