What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize