i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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