The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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