OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My dick has a subreddit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize