Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
