Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
