remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
