her facebook's as public as her vagina
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
