why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
