PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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