Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
