So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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