thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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