sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
