you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
