she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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