franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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