Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
