Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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