You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
