Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I love having hate sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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