I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
