i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
