I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
