go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
