she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
