i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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