I wish I could punch you in the face.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
