I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
